TENANTS AND LANDLORDS 1: Inconvenient to put their dwelling up for rent in the month of January

TENANTS AND LANDLORDS 6: Inconvenient to visit without caution a mezzanine room where the ceiling is a little too low

TENANTS AND LANDLORDS 12: Robber of a landlord... who doesn't want to have repairs done for me except in fine weather!..

Musicians of Paris 1: Farewell!... by the grace of God..

THE PORTERS OF PARIS 1: It's no use my letting you see my apartment... we don't let to mothers of families who have children!..

The Artists 4: Inconvenient to send a bad picture to the Salon: －They wrote above my forest! －Spinach twelve to the metre! －And me, on my magnificent study worthy of Géricault, they had the barbarity to stick this notice! this is a horse, don’t mistake it for a donkey since it will be confused with the artist!

THE DOERS OF BUSINESS 1: －I'm launching my great concern －the moment has come... I'll cerrtainly set up a company to exploit my idea..., the manufacture of Artificial Prunes... a capital of three million! －I see what you're driving at, you're going to ask me for the stones!

JOURNEY TO CHINA 2: THE PASSPORT. The foreigner who visits China is submitted to an indispensable formality; he receives a slip of paper on which is written the age he wants to indicate, the profession he says he pursues and the place where it pleases him to appoint his birth; all that followed by a description of particulars which applies to everybody, after which, against a consideration of two francs, the Chinese government is deemed to lend him succour and assistance for one year

BOHEMIANS OF PARIS 15: THE OLD ROUÉE: So I'm going to be a door-keeper in the rue du Mont-Blanc in a large house where my husband says they'll call us porters. So I'm going to leave this ramshackle place where there're only four tenants who give me five sous apiece for a New Year's present... Scum!!!..

TENANTS AND LANDLOADS 5: －Why, madam..., I am unwise enough to absent myself from my property for some months and this is the state in which I find you... I give you twenty four hours' notice to leave... I don't even know that I don't have the right to claim damages from your husband!..

Strangers in Paris 1: The arrival: What, no room!... －Not even for your hat-box... －What about in the sitting-room? －Twenty one Englishmen are in there... －In the attic?... －I've put eleven Savoyards in there... －In the celler?... －Fifteen Polish people have set up home... －Oh! hang it...oh! damnation... oh! Good God!...are we going to spend the night by the side of a milestone?... －That's what you'd better do, because then the night patrol will get you out of trouble quickly by taking you to sleep at the Prefecture of Police's office, Saint Martin cell!... specially reserved for the homeless and poodles without papers!..

JOURNEY TO CHINA 17: THE PENAL CODE. The Chinese legislators have decreed that all the accused will answer a summons freely in front of their judges, and so they are brought before the examining magistrate between two policemen and bound with handcuffs, which in fact leaves them no more liberty than to sneeze. Moreover justice is delivered with such promptness in the Celestial Empire that it is very rare for he who has been cautioned to remain more than eight months before attending his trial, finally the solemn day arrives when he sees himself sentenced to a fortnight in prison, and the capped mandarin has the goodness to explain to him that this fortnight is not to be confused with the eight months he has already spent behind bolted doors

ROBERT MACAIRE. 2nd Series 1: Greetings! land of hospitality... greetings! motherland to those who no longer have one... sacred refuge for the unfortunates whom human justice casts out... greetings!!! To all drooping hearts how dear Belgium is!

SKETCHES OF AUTUMN 1: －What... you're going to press grapes with your feet ?... －Well!...they're not at all dirty... anyway, I've taken care to take my shoes off!..

THE FEASTERS 1: The national guardsman Rifolard, not having left his home during the five days of June, was unable to resist the desire finally to seize the occasion of showing himself; despite the tears of his wife and children, he took his gun to hasten to a banquet in the country

THE FEASTERS 1: The national guardsman Rifolard, not having left his home during the five days of June, was unable to resist the desire finally to seize the occasion of showing himself; despite the tears of his wife and children, he took his gun to hasten to a banquet in the country

NEWS 1: THE RUSSIAN QUESTION DEALT WITH ON A COUCH － Yes mister Coquardeau, the ambition of the Russian Colossus becomes insatiable... it is already not enough for him to have blown up the Black Sea and to have smashed all the seaports in the Levant, now today the same Colossus makes ready to seize the Dardanelles... I am of a mind to suffer none of it mister Coquardeau!

Strangers in Paris 3: What is called dining in a restaurant: －Waiter!...I've been in your establishment for an hour and a quarter without having a chair...and you've still only given the tooth-picks to my wife who's dying of hunger... you'll make me lose my normal posture, and I'll end up with my feet in the dish... do you understand, waiter! －There now, Sir... there there now, there there!!!

Parisian Freebooters 2: The Municipal Pawnshop’s Pawn-ticket: Sir, the freebooter says to you, I haven’t got the means to redeem my watch, and this evening I’m leaving for my home region. You buy the pawn-ticket, you redeem the watch. It was pledged for 20 f[rancs] and is worth a hundred sous

MISADVENTURES AND DISAPPOINTMENT OF MR.GOGO 4: But my dear Gogo, you're joking, how can you leave in your business the three thousand francs my daughter brings you, and the two hundred thousand francs for which you are indebted to her?... do you consider that? to expose the fortune of my child to the risks of commerce!... and if you don't succeed,... if you die, my daughter will then be ruined?... not so, not so, if you please! you're going to marry according to dowry regulations, to put into a good mortgage,... Devil take it! I should foresee a separation, today you're a friend, tomorrow you're not, you see it all the time

MISADVENTURES AND DISAPPOINTMENT OF MR.GOGO 4: But my dear Gogo, you're joking, how can you leave in your business the three thousand francs my daughter brings you, and the two hundred thousand francs for which you are indebted to her?... do you consider that? to expose the fortune of my child to the risks of commerce!... and if you don't succeed,... if you die, my daughter will then be ruined?... not so, not so, if you please! you're going to marry according to dowry regulations, to put into a good mortgage,... Devil take it! I should foresee a separation, today you're a friend, tomorrow you're not, you see it all the time

MONOMANIACS 1: THE BEASTOPHILE: The supreme happiness of the Beastophile is to make in his home a small menagerie in the bosom of which he spends his life. One can truly apply to him the proverb: “Tell me whom you associate with, [and] I’ll tell you who you are.”

MONOMANIACS 5: THE REGULATOR: The word regulator normally applying to a type of machine, may wall also be applied to the individual above. One finds in Paris, said to be the most spiritual town in the most spiritual country in the Universe, several dozen particular men whose sole intellectual occupation is to regulate, each day, their watch on the shot of midday from the canon of the Royal Palace. Here, gunpowder makes those happy who will never set the world on fire

MONOMANIACS 5: THE REGULATOR: The word regulator normally applying to a type of machine, may wall also be applied to the individual above. One finds in Paris, said to be the most spiritual town in the most spiritual country in the Universe, several dozen particular men whose sole intellectual occupation is to regulate, each day, their watch on the shot of midday from the canon of the Royal Palace. Here, gunpowder makes those happy who will never set the world on fire

JOURNEY TO CHINA 5: CHINESE LAW. Chinese barristers strive so hard, striking so many oratorical poses that the magistrates, in order not to be distracted by the gestures of the defence and to lose nothing of his arguments, generally devote themselves to some manual work, one slices his desk with penknife cuts; the other draws crude little figures on stamped paper or fashions folded paper hens; others have recourse to a more efficient method, they close their eyes and fall into deep meditation from which the usher who shouts silence! with all his might is at great pains to extract them... it is for this reason that Chinese justice is represented with a bandage over its eyes